we're back!

hey guys,
as you may know we've taken a break. 

Unfortunately due to illness I had to take myself off on a break to help my health both physical and mentally.

I think I'm ready to delve into some of those things so I'm going to share a few of the things I'm battling with day in day out.
just a note as I know some family members browse my posts it's brutally honest and I wouldn't recommend you read it unless your seriously prepared.

So first I'll start with my mental health. 
As many people will know mental health is not something that's frequently discussed and I believe it's time to change that.

Personally to me in my case it is severe anxiety coupled with severe depression. 

The anxiety manifests itself in multiple ways the most common being panicking when faced with the possibility of large crowds and encountering those makes me feel like I can't breath and suffocating. In my head I chant it's not really just breath your not dying your not in danger. 
Despite doing this it keeps on pushing forward. 
I can also find myself affected by my anxiety in a different way, with Anger.
It's explained to me as being part of the fight or flight instinct triggered by the severe anxiety. 
Can you imagine that? facing a crowd and feeling that bubble in you. Your chest tightening knowing that an attack is coming at you. 
Can you imagine just wanting to carry out an average task and having to retreat to sob and panic or fearing that angry beast may take over and you could lash out. 
And that's only one portion of my many issues.

I'll leave you to imagine that and return soon to dig through and discuss my depression. 

on a final note I just want to say I'm glad to be back and in a place where I can express and discuss what I'm dealing with. 
I've previously felt ashamed but recently realised I have no reason to be ashamed I have various illnesses but I'm fighting through.